Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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