Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So. Much. Porn.
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