dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
