So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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