You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
