I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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