On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
