Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
