We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
