y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
