i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
