running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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