I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
