I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
