why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
