I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
