What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
