I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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