never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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