dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
