I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
