Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My bed smells like the plague
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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