I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They have beer where we have blood.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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