HIV tests are more positive than that guy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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