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omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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