I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
