It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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