After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
