I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
