So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
