i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
