I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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