shes about as inviting as chlamydia
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
