Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
