How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
