the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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