I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
