Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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