nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
