i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
