If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
