Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
