If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
