Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
