The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
