Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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