guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
