Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
