I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
