his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
