Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
