What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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