So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
