there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
