Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
